CLIMB EVERY BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN

Howdeeeeee!

Gag Reflex (the Chicagoland edition) will soon be returning to The First Street Playhouse for a ten performance run of BROKEBACK STEAKHOUSE (or The Good, The Bad and The FABULOUS!!!).

Show dates are as follows:
February 17, 18, 24, 25,
March 24, 25
April 14,15, 21, 22
(All shows are $10 and start at 8pm)
To order tickets and get directions go to the First Street Playhouse website.

So what will be different about this show... well gawrsh, lotsa stuff. First of all, apart from some of the best sketches from our recent revue HAPPY SUNSHINE KILL YOU DIE (and maybe a song or two), none of the bits we're doing have been seen in years. That means no Night School, no Krispy Kremes, no $64,000 Rhetorical Question and no Stereotypes. We have jumped headfirst into the archives to pull out some really great, old stuff AND some classics that have been sadly absent. That means it's new for most of you. Second, because we have taken residency we are able to swap some sketches in and out each weekend. In other words, even if you come 3 times you're not going to get the exact same show. PLUS we are going to be peppering the shows with new material as well. That's right, brand new Gag Reflex sketches without having to wait for an all-new show.

Sheeeeeee-it! Sounds great. But wait, there's more! We are also booking road shows. Road shows?! That's freakin' right! Shows on the road! You mean Gag Reflex isn't happy just staying put at The First Street. Of course we are. We are cowboy buddy pumpin' happy about it. But we feel the call of the open road too. There's nothing better than strolling into an unsuspecting venue and crackin' their shit up!

So, if you want Gag at a venue near you, let the venue know. Tell them to go to http://www.bwatersmedia.com/gaginfo2.html and check us out. If you want Gag to stay as far away from you as possible... don't tell them. In fact you should stay away from most Illinois and Wisconsin truck stops while you're at it. You never know when you might run into a coffee addled Steve Lord browsing through the trucker comedy tapes.

See ya there domestic pardner!

SOMETHING ELSE WEIGHING ON MY MIND

Yes, it's large enough to contain more than one thought. I'm not sure just how many more than one, but at least a few.

Anyway, did anyone happen to read the study published a few days ago by the NPD? Yes? No? Maybe? Well, in case you missed it, the general consensus of this study was to discover Americans attitude towards obesity. And the survey says: "Over a 20-year period, the percentage of Americans who said they find overweight people less attractive steadily dropped from 55 percent to 24 percent."

Now, here's what I want to know. Where are these 76%? Chicago was just ranked the fattest city in America according to Men's Fitness Magazine. And I live in the greater Chicago area. So why am I not getting laid on a regular basis? Is Chicago too fat and thus I'm the norm and not the exception and am therefore invisible and less attractive? Is the stereotype of "funny girl = unattractive girl" still considered to be true? Funny guys are sexy, why not funny girls? Or am I both unfunny and unattractive?

I just answered my own question back there, didn't I? If only I were as dumb as W, then the obvious would go right over my head, too. Ummm...Please excuse me while I go off to a small dark corner, curl up into a fetal position and weep far away from the evil bastion of too much information one can find on the internets. Nahh...Fuck that. I'm a Glamazon, damn it! And from one smart, sexy fat girl to another, I just want to say, Bon Voyage Shelley Winters. We're all skinny in the water and even skinnier once we've been underground for a while.

GOOD NEWS STEELERS, SAD NEWS BEARS

I'm sure some of you were surprised to learn that a delicate flower such as myself is a football fan. It's true. In fact, I've been sitting around most of the afternoon worked up into an outright, almost rabid, frenzy. After watching the spectacular Steelers win over the Colts, I was all geared up to root for the Bears. When it suddenly dawned on me, if the Steelers win out and the Bears win out, I'm going to have to choose between my new home team (the Bears) and one of my old favorite teams (the Steelers). Now why it didn't occur to me to be concerned about this before now, I don't know. I guess some times the details escape my notice. (Of course, as I'm typing this, the Bears are desperately fighting to overcome an 8 point deficit with a little over 3 minutes remaining in the 4th.)

Don't get me wrong. I'm rooting for the home team right now and just as desperately hoping that they are able to spank the Panthers and compete for the NFC championship next week against Seattle. I'm not sure it's going to happen, though. I am glad, however, that these games have been early enough in the day/night that my neighbors have not felt the need to object to my very vocal enthusiasm and colorful language.

There's a point in here somewhere, if you'll indulge me for a bit and read further. (Damn! The Bears were just intercepted again.) So here's my quandry, in the very apparently unlikely event that the Bears make it to this year's Super Bowl and play against the Steelers, how do I know who to support? I've lived here 3 years and 3 weeks now, do I switch my allegiance to the home team or do I risk life & limb and cheer on the Steelers? (I've seen how vicious the local fans here can be, i.e. 2005 World Series Winners, the Chicago White Sox.) What's a girl to do? (This is a question for the future possibilities, presumably, because the Bears just burned their final time out, 2nd & 10 from their own 20 and 1:30 to go.)

Well, I know who I definitely WON'T be rooting for next week, the Pussies. Ooops. I mean, the Panthers. I'm truly sorry & disappointed that the Bears didn't win today, but there's always next season. And at least now, I can continue to cheer on the Steelers with a clear conscious and no fear of violent repercussions.