Shrek 2?

Eh.

I wasn't so crazy about Shrek 1.

The older I get the less tolerance I have for Mike Myers (especially after
"The Cat in the Hat" and "Goldmember") and I thought the original was trying
too hard to be hip, packed as it was full of smarmy, pop-culture references.
I hear the sequel is much more of the same. I'd just as soon stay home and
rent "So I Married an Axe
Murderer" but, since I have two kids, I'll probably be going.

I'm starting to wonder...

If I'll ever watch TV again. Just watched the last show I made it a point to tune in to go off the air. I mean, The Simpsons is still on, but I just never really got into that one enough to make it "appointment TV," (Sorry, Dale) though I do enjoy catching the reruns. MMMMM...reruns. I guess since I'm not a 20 year old frat boy who likes to watch reality boobies flapping in the breeze, I'll have to wait it out. *sigh*

Metrosexual

Remember the good old days, when there were only two ways to swing. Here is the definition of Metrosexual. So let's keep this going...shall we:

If you dress and act like a fact checker you're IPSO-FACTOSEXUAL

If you carry around sharp knives for cutting art projects you're EXACTOSEXUAL

If you like to dress like the Ghostbusters you're ECTOSEXUAL

If your lifestyle revolves around politics you're ELECTOSEXUAL

If you live and dress like an early Italian explorer you're MARCOPOLOSEXUAL

If you listen to a lot of music by a particular 70's band you're POCOSEXUAL

If you spend a lot of money to dress like you are a weapons genius in a multi-national crime organization that wants to wipe out G I Joe you're DESTROSEXUAL

If you dress like a gas station attendant in England you're a PETROLSEXUAL

If you are an expert in sandwich spreads you're a MAYOSEXUAL

This can go on forever....

FILTHY!!

Enter at your own risk! This is a 10 year old list of possible porn movie titles. I uncovered this one on an old computer disk (which explains why the TV shows and movies reference stop about 1994). This was composed by a group of friends sitting around, half drunk.

I am posting this for the sickest amongst you.

I am making it a link out for those of you who would rather not see the list at all.

See - courteous AND depraved! I told you it could be done.

FEAST YOUR EYES

Did somebody say "Sock Puppet?"

No? Hmmm.

I could swear I heard it, though.

Wacky.

Oh well. Check THIS out.

ERIC!! - eeeez looking at you!!

Look into my eyes

Tony Randall, brilliant comic actor, dead at 84

Jimmy Fallon still up and walking around. ::sigh::

The Horror of Mr. Bucket!!!

In the early 90s I was far too busy chasing skirt to watch after school cartoons. Okay...to be really honest...I was thinking about chasing skirt WHILE watching afternoon cartoons...I just never saw this. Had I, would have been doubled over in fits of laughter for weeks...as I was in 2004 when I saw the commercial at the end of an unmarked video cassette from the period. My three year old son had no idea why I was laughing, he simply laughed along.

I was laughing because of the jingle. And YES I know I'm laughing at something that most 12 year olds laugh at. I can't help it. It's funny. I have no idea how this got on the air. Wasn't there some executive at Milton Bradley, or the ad agency that said..."shouldn't we re-word this"? I'm positive the 4 year olds the game was aimed at never caught what I caught. Filth is in the eye of the beholder. And that's why Mr. Bucket's lesson to the world should be; always employ a childish, dirty minded guy to check your ad copy.

This isn't even Bert and Ernie living together subtext, this is in your face. The jingle says; I'm Mr. Bucket toss your balls in my top/ I'm Mr. Bucket out of my mouth they will pop. Later the announcer happily explains: "the first to get their balls into Mr. Bucket wins. But look out because the balls will pop out of his mouth!" Mr. Bucket then again exclaims; I'm Mr. Bucket, a ball is what I'm about. Please don't judge me. I couldn't help but laugh like a 12 year old. I'm only human. Hope you enjoy.

Just download here: http://www.bwatersmedia.com/mrbucket.mp3

Jimmy Fallon Leaves SNL; Makes Dale VERY HAPPY

Lorne Michaels, when pitching Saturday Night Live to NBC in the '70s, said that it would not be a variety show in the Carol Burnett sense, with actors cracking each other up and laughing on camera. Well, now that SNL IS the Carol Burnett Show, it must be okay. Because this is basically all Jimmy Fallon has done for several seasons.

I could almost excuse some of it when he was acting opposite the truly funny Will Ferrell. But when an actor can't stand next to Horatio Sanz for 20 seconds without breaking up, he has no business on television. Worse yet were the countless times Fallon was so funny he made HIMSELF lose it.

Good riddance, Jimmy Fallon and all your lame characters. Oh, and thanks for fucking up the classic Cowbell sketch.

I'm sure we'll be seeing you in future Adam Sandler productions.