COMING SOON!!

I refuse to be out done by the upcoming "New Yorkers Die In Horrible Disaster-A-Thon". THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW is by the same guys who did INDEPENDENCE DAY and GODZILLA. Like evil comic book masterminds they seem to enjoy plotting the next thing to attack New York. I kind of thought we'd seen the last of this shit when the huge dust cloud from the collapse of the Towers on 911 moving through the streets of Manhattan actually looked like something they cooked up. So much so that in foreign countries the actually flashed "THIS IS NOT A MOVIE" on the screen. So aliens...a giant lizard...and now Mother Earth herself thinks the New York is too big a shit hole to survive. Okay! We get it. But I can't tell if Dean Devlin and Roland Emmerich hate New York and love to see it laid waste or the love New York and it's the greatest tragedy they can imagine. Either way...I have grown weary. I sit droopy eyed in front of trailers that would have once had me drooling and think..."hmmm, the Statue of Liberty up to her braless, hair french armpits in snow. Haven't seen it. Haven't done it. Don't need to." Or, on the positive side, I might think "that's a renter." Have I grown jaded toward Hollywood...or simply grown up?

So, any of you hard-up for ideas internet savvy movie moguls who surf the web for ideas to plunder...I would ask that both of you sit up and pay attention. Here is my pitch.

This will make a Dean Devlin movie look like THE DEVIL AND MAX DEVLIN...(8 years I've tried to find a good place for that joke - now that it's here...it's a hollow victory.) This will be the biggest summer blockbuster ever...I propose:

"A WEEK FROM THIS COMING THURSDAY"
As humans casually fornicate and pollute their planet, a race of superhero mutants (from a planet where they are more advanced than we, smarter than we AND they keep reminding us of how primitive we are)arrive as our saviors. Of course the crazy military blow up what they don't understand and attempt to kill the race of Cooler Than You Mutant Pirate Alien Superheroes (All of which are played by either Orlando Bloom or Colin Ferrell or however that dick spells his name). It is only when another race of hot kung fu aliens is little school girl out fits, and moving in Spearsian/Tarantinoesque dance/kung fu choreography arrive to destroy the American family and rape our planet of its natural resources. To destroy all humans they unleash the power of our Mother Earth. Tornados in London. Snow is India. Dogs and cats...you know the rest. The super cool mutants then fight with the military (instead of saying "fuck you" after how they were treated) to destroy the Femme Fataliens. The evil hot school girl chicks then divide into two warring factions, the psycho mask wearing slashers and the giant lizard battle droids. Luckily both are wiped out by randy Quaid in a drunken act of redemption. So, humankind and our new Mutant bretheren enjoy the CGI flowers that bloom in the ash of the evil invaders...then the sun goes Nova killing everybody.

I can only imagine that the only tag lin for this would be: A WEEK FROM THIS COMING THURSDAY - there's no way in hell you'll buy this shit.